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Forbes who loves this gal very much

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Just hear mi talk and you read (=

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designer: littlegurlxiaorene
Basecode: increasingly

Should i or shouldnt i? i want to but i dont want to.. spending the last day here before i leave. Well, hope it's not the last day or something. Really cant put away some thoughts, thoughts of you. i really want to see you one last time, tell you how much you mean to mi and hug you like i've never done before. But cant lah.. too troublesome for you. well, it's been a long week, without u and everything. Life has been meaningless and bleak, you feel in all the happiness with colours. time passes by slowly and painfully, it's not that im obsess with having your pictures everywhere, it just reminds mi of you and let mi think of you when i'm missing you. Very glad to finally talk to you and see you, just brought back the smiles to my face. Can see that you've enjoyed urself in my absence. that's comforting, u can live without mi.. well, well, if i really dont come back, just hope you live happily and find your happiness (= sorry for being so optimistic, just dont want to lose you. alright, farewell then. Love u~

Just seems so coincidence that this is where i found refuge to pen down my thoughts.. Every joy, every saddness. Whatever gets into it becomes a memory.. Having bad days recently, seems so like the days to come will be the same. Everything im part of never was good.. Work sux, working night shifts like the one just now which drag until quite late, slammed my fingers by the fucking safe, lost $10 when counting cash, got scolded for being helpful. What, just work what.. have been slogging out there and it just adds more weight to my heart. Then comes school, fuck. Didnt believe i didnt get into my own class. Whatever, i had enough trouble and problems. Even my piano, exam next month, am i quitting? Haix, my grades.. wth, will never get to uni. Just so stupid. Then the grievious of all is you. It's ok, i will understand with time. Just so hard being mi.

Lost in the midst of tension, can feel it from her.. What's on her mind? it just got mi thinking.. Will she listen to mi? or should i silently watch and pretend? With her so tense, i dunno what i should do.. Does it make her angry or does it show my concern? Why am i trying so hard when she's still at hurt. She got no mood, even for mi. Am i part of it also? All i got to do now is sacrifice, in a way that i will get her back her happiness. Sick of all the troubles, hope she's fine.

Feels like sometimes it's hard to leave, hard to stay.. Thought about it, isit better? There's always a time for things and sometimes there is but should not.. Well, i have to be gracious enough to step back so that things will be well. Maybe mi here is a wrong place at a wrong time.. i wonder, am i doing the right thing or jeopadising myself? Have i ever left any impression or does it seems so insignificant.. Whatever it is, fate isnt right for mi.

Lament.. strong use of feelings. trying to get out of the suffocation. i figured it out.. but, somethings still wrong.. which is mi. it's alright, it's only where i should placed my trust. Very scared about something.. but, not giving it up. For something so dear and forlorn, i want to keep on embracing it. I'm not gonna be a wuss anymore, being as matured as ever. Might appear to be that i want to be different.

Been planning something lately, but seems like i cant do it. it's tough but trying hard. Hope it all pays off soon enough. going to Church tml, after a long absence.

Overly concern and over-rated feelings.. Gone abit off this time round. Happiness has a price to pay.. Dont have any idea what to do now. She's right, why am i always just so clingy, sure make u irritated.. never expected her to be so mad. And of all times, now. Am so disappointed with myself.. Sometimes i really care so much but maybe to her she finds it unneccessary. Sometimes i make the trouble and time to be there, but she doesnt like it. Nevermind, it's ok.. i dont want to put u in a spot or even make u feel bad. it's just a thing about mi alright.. you should know that i'm like this, just tell mi when u dont feel good. the last thing i want to know is that u feel angry..

Should i take a step back? Maybe i should display less of my intentions, for now.

It just hurts to see you like this.. knowing that your happiness is at hand. Seeing you go through this, and that troubled look. it just pains my heart.. if only i can do something. Sometimes, i feel im at fault also.. Through this, i see a little sight of mi. The ever persisting guy in your life.. Now i see that it's putting u at a rough edge. I'm sorry gal. You know i have changed right? i promise to treat u better and spare more thought for you. From him, i feel that i'm a liitle selfish too. Because i always want to spend time with you. And at one point in time, i also didnt want u to go out with ur friends.. Isit considered possesive? nah, i'm not. Maybe now, i'm not feeling jealous anymore.. Because i know my place in your heart. And i wont compare myself with him. Oh gal, i love u so much! i respect you too.. Heed my advice alright, let time do the talking.. What ever decision you make, i will be behind to give you the support. And no matter what, be strong and have courage! you know i'm always here right. So make use of mi (= i already told you what u can do to mi.. haha. alright, shall go and sleep now. If not later someone will nag non-stop! haha.

What's this now? Inferiority? Why am i so small now? Why isit messing mi up? I thought i was comfortable,and now i'm placed under pressure.. i'm losing my place. He came, try to take her away.. And now what, not letting her have time with mi? WTF.. who are u to do that? Why am i not matured enough? why am i not blessed with the silver spoon. And why am i not way up there? Feel so small down here.. What have i done to deserve all this? Have i not gone through enough of this? Where am i gonna pick up myself? in this struggle, i'm just hanging on a thread. Am i stupid or what? I'm such a failure lah. Well, so be so.. I'm gonna wise up and be strong. She knows my heart well.. No matter what, she lives in my heart.

Never to understand.. This feeling. Jealousy. Came and take away certain things.. My most valued feelings. I'm just insecure that it will take her away from mi.. yet again, it chanced upon mi.. or should i say it's always there? Once it came, i was sad. Twice it came, i was devastated. now, it is thrice.. What should i feel? Angry? It's worse to be around it.. hear it. Even greater when u see it.. Well, i've been through all that. Right now, i came just feel it beside mi and i cant do anything about it.. how should i endure? Closing my eyes even prompted mi to pretend to hide it. Can i carry on bearing this pain? It just hurts.. I'm very scared that in the end, it will take her away. She's all that matters to mi.. I know it wont go away.. But at least let mi have some hope that it will disappear. Argh~ Jealousy is such a bitch.