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Forbes who loves this gal very much

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Just hear mi talk and you read (=

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designer: littlegurlxiaorene
Basecode: increasingly

seems like I'm always on my own.. Seems like I'm never coming home. Seems like I'm always on my own.. All the stars and boulevards aren't close enough for you. Late nights, won't do me justice. Cause when I drink.. I just get so damn depressed. And its not like, I ain't trying to get over you.. It's just hard to look at all the seasons, pass me over too. And I don't want the world to see me.. Cause I don't think that they'd understand. When everything's made to be broken.. I just want you to know who I am. Good god your coming up with reasons. Good god your dragging it out. Good god its the changing of the seasons.. I feel so raped. So follow me down and just fake it if your out of direction.. Fake it if you don't belong here. Fake it if you feel like affection.. Woah your such a fucking hypocrite.

No link between the two..

I'm torn in pieces.. I'm blind and waiting for you. My heart is reeling.. I'm blind and waiting for you. Stranger than your sympathy.. I take these things so I don't feel. I'm killing myself from the inside out.. Now my head's been filled with doubt. it's easy to forget.. yeah. You choke on the regrets.. yeah. Who the hell did I think I was.

its time to turn my back against u.. fuck those telltales signs. should i call u a liar? attention seeker? or an innocent soul whom i just like to defame? hope i think too much.. otherwise, u just sux.

nobody can save you but yourself.. you will be put again and again into nearly impossible situations. they will attempt again and again through suberfuge, guise and force to break u down.. nobody can save you but yourself and it will be easy enough to fall so very easily but don't, don't, don't. just watch them.. just listern to them.

Some days are filled with sadness, madness, joy and all the messy stuffs in between. sometimes it feels that everyday brings a new struggle, a new concern, a new reason to stay in bed with the shades drawn. but between this moments of despair and confusion often comes times of great clarity and insight.

save yourself (=

i just don't want to feel this way.. should i believe or not to believe. why are others fortunate? why am i comparing? why am i like this? u..

im fuelling my hatred i guess.. when things don't go your way. u tend to judge it.. How disappointing. but, worst of all.. it piles up. it's just the feeling of being near and u see the fuck before u. the hurt that it brought, the desire of jealousy.. im blinded.. yaaa indeed. why is he that loser? i just feel so.. what do u see in him? his just someone plain. why why why? taking part of mi away.. u say stuffs and make promises that u never remember and then u contradict.. u dislike people pissing u but do u know that u pissed others? i think u cant seem to accomodate and change.. irresponsible.

how should i put it? sux isn't it.. just hate it.. all along, i can't stand it. im angry? hell ya.. not worth all the tears i cried for. its mixed.. how do i express? angry and sad.. bitter and sweet.. ah, fuck.. don't feel like saying. worst shit ever.. more than what meets the eyes. hurts so fucking damn much.. so unfair. nevermind.. i will not scoop to being so shallow.

Direction for the future.. today's sermon coincides with what im going through now.. people's testimonials can be so emotional.. i witheld my tears when he poured out his feelings and cried. the feeling of giving and nothing ever blossoming is like so disappointing.. u feel like giving up, u feel like not trusting anyone, u just felt helpless. so broken and humilitified.. i know how its like. pride gets in the way. like it becomes roots that gets entwined deep into the flesh.. man always get troubled by relationship, money and career. what about yoking? what of this friendship? well, from him.. i see mi. now, i dont feel that way.. Cause i'm begining to let go. i see him suffering like this, i just felt sympathetic.. i was once like this.. well, i don't want to end up like that again..

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. Romans 12:2

having some tied knots now.. same thing happending. Mi and my mouth.. why isit so easily broken again? and why is things coming at it all the time? nevermind.. tommorrow we shall see. i'll definately untie it..





i'm waiting, waiting and waiting.. just finished composing a song and waiting for it to upload into the blog.. argh.. so slow. hope it's nice.. improvised abit from the original tune.. anyway, its not exactly that perfect. just trying out.. maybe, i will upload it again tomorrow. its not moving!

let mi post the last poem about how i feel:

I lay wishing I could fall fast asleep..
but awake thinking of you my mind wants to keep.
I'm so tired that I can't think clearly..
but all I know is that I love you dearly.

I feel I got myself into such a big mess,
all because the truth I chose to confess.
Everything just got ten times harder,
from this I hope to only grow stronger..

These sorry words I said so many times,
so much that they all fit into cheesy rhymes.
I feel my shame I put on a display post,
so you all will know why I hurt the most.

You are the one I wanted for so long,
by loving you am I the one who's wrong?
My true feelings I somehow kept displayed,
to love you I was never ever ashamed..

I look out the window and can't see the stars,
then I look at my heart and can see all my scars.
For some reason my heart refuses to let go..
of a love I will never get to know.

ok.. there goes the last straw of my feelings. though, i do have more things to pen down.. but, best is to keep it to myself.. cause no matter what, nothing's gonna change. i made up my mind.. i wont be like this anymore.. its just so hard to fill in this gap.. im still waiting for her to tell mi how she feels. but, seems like she won't.. she hates mi? are we still best friends? or has it turned us into strangers? so i guess, things won't be the same anymore.. enough of waiting. so tired..